Saving Mr. Val

 

The sense of presence slid gently across the cluttered desktop, palpable as sunlight. Nudging past my elbow, it rippled up my spine and chilled my shoulders, staking its claim to my consciousness like a squatter moving into a deserted house.

Suddenly attentive though not yet uneasy I turned, expecting to see my calico scowl of a cat peering at me across the dining table, irritated with my absorption in my work, intent on drawing me away for a bit of play. But the cat was nowhere to be seen.  When her name and a gentle, trilling call brought no response, I stretched and looked, unwilling to move from my chair.  She wasn’t under the table, not hidden in the plumpness of sofa cushions.  No sleeping cat lay draped across the wooden chair, her paws kneading at the air where they rested between turned spindles.  

Perplexed by her absence as much as by the vague promptings that had unfocused my attention, I turned back to the computer, ready to dismiss my unease and settle back into my work. (more…)

Published in:  on November 14, 2009 at 4:27 pm Comments (16)
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Godot, Meet Godette

 

Very little satisfies more completely than closing the cover on a well-told tale.  Breathing out a sigh and gazing into the middle distance while unmade beds and untended gardens begin to re-stake their necessary claims, we linger for a moment at the threshhold of our half-remembered lives, not quite willing to close the door on the vibrant, constructed world we leave behind, happy to have discovered all the pleasures of diversion, insight or beauty it had to offer. 

The adventures of Godot, my self-effacing little cactus with the phenomenal blooms, was such a story.  As I set aside his chronicle,  I was content.  The drama of his rescue, his determination against all odds to bloom and the glory of his flowering seemed to have satisfied him as much as they did me.  As his blossoms faded and fell, he didn’t fuss or complain but re-dedicated himself to growing quietly in his corner.  Life went on, as life does, and all was at peace on the porch. 

 

 At peace, that is, until one of Godot’s neighbors, a taller, columnar cactus with a shape resembling a starfruit, began to grow restless.  She’d always been a bloomer, putting out pairs or triplets of lovely, small yellow blossoms several times a year.  Like Godot, she kept her blooms for only a few hours, but she set flowers with such regularity it was easy to overlook her efforts. Most of the time, I gave her no more than a cursory glance.  If I missed one set of blossoms, another arrived soon enough.  There wasn’t much surprise with this cactus. Neither dramatic nor spectacular, she was steady and dependable.  She could be counted on to produce. (more…)

Perspiration and Inspiration

 

Becoming a varnish worker isn’t difficult.  If you have a vehicle to serve as a combined corporate headquarters, warehouse and service fleet, about $400 for capital and operating  expenditures like varnish, sandpaper, brushes and power tools and a wardrobe of stylish second-hand tees, I could get you started today.  After years in the business, I’ve  plenty of tips to share and I’d be happy to let you serve a few months’ apprenticeship. That’s more than enough time to understand the basic techniques of the craft and begin to develop the good, short-term weather forecasting skills that will be critical to your success.

Things will go even more smoothly if you already possess some important personal qualities: infinite patience, a tolerance for frustration  and a sense of humor to help keep things in perspective when your fresh coat of varnish is ruined by fog, pollen, insects, rain, wind, dust or The Yard Crew From Hell, that charming band of brothers who decide to rev up their gasoline-powered leaf blowers just as you’re putting away your brush. 

If you’re especially lucky, you’ll internalize what we call “The Rule of Good Enough” early in your career.  I never have seen a “perfect” coat of varnish. No matter how glossy, how reflective, how beautifully deep the shine, there always is something - a gnat, a bristle, a patch of dust, a tiny bit of wood the brush missed – to tempt the compulsive toward a re-do.  It never helps, of course. You may get rid of the gnat only to discover a determined spider has schlepped across your work.  Better to look at wood that’s 99% perfect and say, “That’s good enough.”

Why someone would want to varnish is another question entirely.  The work of stripping and sanding is boring and repetitive.  Weather is unpredictable and can wreak havoc with a schedule, not to mention cash flow.  I happen to like the isolation and solitude, but not everyone does.  And it is, after all, physical labor.  There aren’t many varnishers who head to the gym after work.  There’s enough climbing, stretching, leaning and lifting in the course of a day to keep anyone flexible, and if you park far enough from your current project, you can get a little walking in, too.  Simply put,  boat varnishing is a 19th century job in a 21st century world.  Boat owners on the docks may be twittering and texting within an inch of their lives, but the varnishers, riggers, carpenters and mechanics aren’t - their hands are too busy with the tools of their various trades to take time for electronic gadgets.

As for that question – “Why varnish?” – I always laugh and say, “For the perks, of course.”   I may not have medical coverage or a 401K, but there is that just-back-from-Barbados-tan, a crazy assortment of folks on the dock to provide entertainment and a shoes-optional dress code.  Instead of tracking office politics, I kibbitz with ducks, herons, egrets and coots.  Osprey and pelicans float above, while mullet, drum,  jellyfish and crabs drift and skitter through the water.  My solitude is sandwiched between the bloom of sunrise and sunset’s poignant glow, while I think my thoughts and devote my energy to making something beautiful.

In truth, the positives balance out the negatives nicely, at least until full summer arrives.  For most people, summer means a little laziness, a bit of travel, the pleasures of  indolence.  I experience summer rather differently.  Summer means scorching boat decks, so hot that bare feet are impossible.  Eyes burn from sunscreen, and the freezer fills up with gallons of water. The heat and humidity of the Texas Gulf Coast can be so intense that sweat drips off elbows and chins onto those fresh coat of varnish, frustrating because it means unplanned, unpaid extra work.

But by far the worst thing about summer is the way its heat drains away energy,    At the end of the day, it can be a struggle to do more than shower, plop into a chair and stare off into the middle distance.  A woman I know calls summer “the cereal season”, because cereal for supper takes the least effort to prepare.  At the height of summer, we all begin to experience “seasonal slovenliness” as dust collects, laundry baskets fill up and drooping plants beg for their own drink of water.   We all have good intentions, but the longer days and unrelenting heat can produce an unshakable lethargy.    

Physical tasks aren’t the only chores to be put off.  Creativity and imagination suffer from heat exhaustion, too.  As the temperatures rise, the ability to focus for long periods of time declines.  Thinking about my blogs, I have no shortage of ideas.  Thoughts continue to swirl and the impulse to shape words into form is there,  but actually sitting down to write is another matter.

I’ve been thinking about this a good bit.  Any act of creation requires time and energy – the very energy which summer drains away.  Certainly, I’m one of the lucky ones.  I have the freedom to rearrange my schedule, to begin work early and continue work until late, seeking respite from the heat of the afternoon.  Not everyone enjoys such luxury.  The world is filled with people who spend their days in manual labor throughout the year –  farm workers, construction crews, roofers, lawn care workers. Constrained by necessity to work for others, they lack even minimal control over their days, and they, too, come home exhausted.

 

Some say these communities of people  have no stories to tell, that they are dull and uninspired, lacking in creativity.  I once was told of an English teacher who had her Anglo students write an essay each week but didn’t require essays from Hispanic students.  Confronted on the issue, she seemed genuinely astonished, asking, “But what would they (the Hispanic students) write about?”

It’s an old attitude, neatly summed up in the assertion that certain people are better equipped for creativity - by education, by natural sensitivity, by intellect, training or talent, while the masses are mute by necessity.  Despite his apologists, D.H. Lawrence gives voice to this assumption in Phoenix II when he says,

Life is more vivid in the dandelion than in the green fern, or than in the palm tree,
Life is more vivid in the snake than in the butterfly.
Life is more vivid in the wren than in the alligator,
Life is more vivid in me, than in the Mexican who drives the wagon for me.

What is vivid here is the worst kind of prejudice, and a particularly sad kind of literary elitism.  In fact, the people who tend our lawns, build our roads, harvest our crops and roof our homes may have some of the best stories in the world waiting to be written, if only they weren’t so exhausted and by necessity focused on the basic requirements for life.  In the world of  “just folks”,  hints of wonderfully creative communication abound -  with the yarn spinners in cafes, the musicians in the bars and juke joints, the jokesters on the job site, or the story-telling mother on the porch with her children gathered around.

When I see a construction worker, a roofer, a farm laborer or a fellow rolling out barricades for a highway project, I wonder, “What story would he tell if he had the time, the freedom, the energy?  

When I see a mother walking her children home in the heat, a housekeeper washing windows in the full afternoon sun, a woman struggling toward a laundromat with an unwieldy bundle of clothes, I wonder,  “What verse might she write, if she had solitude, silence and rest?”

Day Laborers at Hopson Plantation ~ Clarksdale, Mississippi, 1940

Out on the docks, the summer heat continues to rise as the fish drift deeper and the birds grow silent, tucking themselves ever more deeply into the dappled shade of their trees.   Watching and listening to the silence, I wonder:  given a respite from their labors and the  freedom to rest in the shade, what songs might our hidden birds sing?

 

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Published in:  on May 18, 2009 at 3:07 am Comments (21)
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Watching the Blogometer Roll

 

My earliest memories of my parents’ car aren’t of the car as a whole.  I haven’t a clue what the make, model or color might have been, but I can describe the back seat perfectly.  It was, after all, my world-on-wheels.  It came fully furnished with a red plaid wool stadium blanket in a carrying case, a plastic solitaire game with red and blue pegs, an old doll suitcase filled with crayolas, paper dolls and colored tablets, and a pile of Golden Books.  Whether it was a trip to the A&W for rootbeer floats, an evening at the drive-in movies or a trip to my grandparents’ house, the back seat was mine.  It was my castle, my refuge, my tiny bit of territory to do with as I pleased.

Sometimes on longer trips I’d tire of my paper dolls and books.  Stretched out across the seat, pretending to be asleep, I’d listen as the low voices of my mother and father murmured through the air, suspended like a conversational cloud that floated through my consciousness.  Sometimes I drifted off to sleep, secure against my pillows, clutching my special blanket and feeling the soft hum of the tires.  Sometimes I just listened,  enjoying the sense of movement and the hum of my parents’ voices.

Growing older, I began to take more interest in the trips themselves.    No longer content to sleep away the miles, I hung over the front seat, dangling my arms and chattering.  We played car games, reading the Burma Shave signs along the roadsides, looking for out-of-state license plates or ”stamping” white horses in the fields for luck.  Feeling a little constrained, a little impatient, I asked questions common to every traveler since Moses led his own ragged band across the Red Sea: how much longer?  How much farther?  Are we there yet?  Where will we stay?  Did you make reservations…?

Hanging over the front seat one day, I noticed the slowly turning numerals on the odometer.   Watching it, I began to understand distance in a new way, and when my parents bought a new car it was the odometer that intrigued me most.   I was disappointed when I missed seeing it turn over the first thousand miles, but I remember reaching 5,000 miles, and 10,000.  Any time a series of nines showed up, it was especially exciting: 39,999 miles was just as good as 99,999, and I watched the numbers turn over on those ”big days” whenever I could.

When I began driving my own cars, the fascination lingered.  When my last and most-beloved Toyota clicked over to 100,000 miles, I smiled approvingly.   When 200,000 miles arrived, I gave it a pat on its dashboard and whispered small congratulatory sentiments into its engine compartment.  As 300,000 miles approached, I developed a case of nerves.  Would it die before reaching the benchmark?  Might it be killed in an accident?  Would it dare to commit some sort of ghastly mechanical suicide while my back was turned? 

Nothing untoward happened.  Despite the fact that I had to drive around for ten extra minutes one evening to witness the grand event, I giggled with satisfaction when an unbelievable 300,000 appeared.  When the 350,000 mile mark rolled around it stil was cool, but at 386,000, I decided I was pressing my luck.  The young woman I sold the Toyota to still hasn’t achieved 400,000 miles, but she says she’s inching her way toward it, and plans to give the car a party when it happens.

As a child, I had plenty of opportunity to watch odometers chew through great chunks of mileage when vacation time arrived.   We lived in a Company town, and my dad worked for the Company.   The plants shut down each summer for two weeks of maintenance, and everyone left for vacation at the same time.   But as I learned, there are vacations, and then there are vacations.  Not all parents took the same approach.

My Dad was a car guy and enjoyed driving, but he always was willing to combine a little education and fun with his hunger for the open road.  Our trips took us to Minnesota, Colorado,  South Dakota, Kentucky, Mississippi, Louisiana. We waded across the Mississippi where she begins, and were amazed by her muddy Delta where she ends.  We learned the story of  Paul Bunyan and Babe, his great Blue Ox.  We carried home glass tubes filled with iron ore samples from Hibbing and chunks of granite and basalt from Colorado.  Indian Corn from the Dakotas hung on our front door in the fall, and photographs taken at the Continental Divide, Leech Lake, and the Flint Hills made it to Show-and-Tell. 

We even had a real adventure or two.   I still remember the horse-drawn ferry at a Kentucky river crossing, July snowball fights in the Rockies, and that stuff-of-family-legends night in Rainy River, Ontario, when we landed in a room above a tavern with a B-grade-movie neon light outside the window, a B-movie ruckus in the bar, and a chair shoved under the doorknob for a little extra security.

When the trips ended and families returned home, my friends and I compared notes on our adventures while our fathers went back to work.  The year we traveled to a Minnesota lake and stayed in a cabin, I was telling my excited tale of fish, snails and leeches when another girl looked at me and said, “Yeh.  Well, we drove over 3,000 miles.”   When I asked  where they’d gone, she said, “All over.”  When I asked what they’d done, she said, “We drove.”

Looking back on it now, it seems one of the stranger twists on Robert Paul Smith’s memoir, “Where Did You Go? Out.  What Did You Do? Nothing”.  Smith’s point was that kids always are doing something – most of it quite interesting – but that adults have neither the time nor the inclination to find out what’s happening under their very noses.  In the case of my friend’s family, however, the “nothing” experienced on vacation was just that: nothing.  Their two weeks were filled with highways, gas stations, trading drivers and trying to figure out how far they could go before they had to turn around and come back. 

Every year, it was the same.  When school started and it was time to write ”what I did on my summer vacation” essays, most of us wrote about camp, or fishing, or swimming, or trips to exotic destinations like Omaha. And every year we heard our friend brag, “We drove 3,000 miles”. We never knew quite how to feel about it.  Sometimes we were jealous, and sometimes we just didn’t understand the point.  Since we weren’t any more clear on what to say to her, we simply told our own stories and moved on.

I suspect none of this would have come to mind had I not logged on to WordPress last night, checked my stats and discovered a surprise.  After three months, 4,996 page views had been recorded.  Looking at the page, I was mesmerized.  I might as well have been a kid again, back in the family car and waiting for the odometer to roll over to 5,000.   I needed to leave, but I couldn’t move.  As I watched, the total views clicked up to 4,997, and then 4,998.  With the total sitting at 4,999, I pushed back my chair and left.  There was no way to make a phone call and say, “Sorry, I’ll be a little late.  I’m waiting for 5,000 hits.”  Even if I’d made the call, they wouldn’t have understood.

When I came home, the page still was showing 4,999 views.  Whether the Great Cyber-Gods arranged it that way or dumb luck had intervened, I got my screen shot of the benchmark 5,000 hits.

Afterward, I did a good bit of thinking about statistics, and the frantic search for “hits” among bloggers.   Like my classmate who bragged she traveled 3,000 miles but didn’t have a single story to tell, or like travelers so focused on their odometers they have no time for even a glance at the scenery along the way, some folks seem to be missing the point.  Behind the Sitemeter, StatCounter and Google Analytics numbers are people: human readers who arrive on sites for particular reasons, and who are far more complex and valuable than simple marks on a graph.  Turning those readers into real friends requires far more dedication and effort than simply throwing them onto a list at BlogCatalog.

Certainly I have goals for my blog, and those goals include increasing readership.  But I faced the question early on: am I traveling to see the sights, meet some people and enjoy the experience, or am I traveling simply to be able to brag about the miles I’ve covered when I get back home? 

Of course I know the answer to that question, and if you’ve come to know me at all, you know my answer as well.  When six months rolls around and I’m peering at my blogometer again, no matter what the numbers say, I’ll be thinking about them in the context of writing, readers, and the relationships with people and life they represent. 

It’s a fact that you have to drive to get somewhere.  But the larger truth is that, whether you’re driving 3,000 miles, or 300, or 30, there’s no reason not to pull over now and then, kick off your shoes and enjoy the scenery with the locals.  You might hear a good story or two, and you might have something more than miles to talk about when you get home.

Photo Compliments Routing by Rumor

 
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