Laugh at the antlers if you will, but laugh at your peril. That business-like look in the eyes of my beautiful calico is very real. Her name is Dixie Rose (short for Dixie-Rose-Center-of-the-Universe-and-Queen-of-all-She-Surveys), She loves Christmas, and she intends to be ready when it arrives. Do not stand in her way.
Dixie came into my life as an unloved, four-month-old stray, and quickly became my first real pet. In childhood, I received a small painted turtle which met a most unfortunate end and a small black birthday puppy, but the pup lasted only hours. Tiny but exceedingly enthusiastic, he terrified me and was sent packing. Later, I raised a fox squirrel and laughed my way through four years with a prairie dog, but my relationship with Dixie Rose is of a different order entirely. Like a favored first child or grandchild, I believe her to be the most beautiful and most clever creature on four paws. I don’t think she’s the most spoiled creature in the world, but we’re working on it – diligently.
My first Christmas season with Dixie, it became obvious some things would have to change. Tree-trimming, gift wrapping, and holiday decorating simply were more than she could bear. A swath of shredded ribbon, broken ornaments and pulled-down swags marked her passage through the pre-holiday festivities. When the tree went over for a second time and then a third, I surrendered. My first Christmas with Dixie, we celebrated with a bare tree that had been weighted down around the base with a length of 3/8″ galvanized chain. No candles burned that year. Presents were hidden in the closet until time for humans to unwrap them and all things sparkly were banned because of my furry darling’s obsessive, quite literal appetite for tinsel, glitter and gold.
Christmas came, and Christmas went, and throughout the season Dixie and I disagreed strongly on the nature of true celebration. Things weren’t always good that year, and the phrase “This hurts me more than it does you” came to mind more than once.
As a matter of fact, things were so bad for a week or so I began to amuse myself by creating the first of what would become a series of little ditties, parodies I called Cat Carols. You know the tune, and can add the “Fa-la-las” as needed.
Wreck the Halls
Wreck the halls all decked with holly,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la la-la-la.
Sheer destruction is so jolly,
Fa-la…
Tip the tree with all its treasures,
Fa-la…
Shred the presents for good measure!
Fa-la…
Fast away the fur-ball passes,
Fa-la…
To wreak havoc on the masses,
Fa-la…
Swinging through the punch and cookies,
Fa-la…
You can tell she is no rookie,
Fa-la…
It was the start of something wonderfully fun. When I included the lyrics in Dixie’s Christmas card to her vet, he suggested she keep writing. So, she did. Again, you know the tune:
Stalking in a Winter Wonderland
Collars ring, are you listening?
In the lane, eyes are glistening…
The moon is so bright, we’re happy tonight,
Stalking in a winter wonderland.
Gone away are the bluebirds,
Here to stay are the new birds.
They sing their same songs as we skulk along,
Stalking in a winter wonderland.
In the meadow we can build a snow mouse,
And pretend that he is fat and brown.
He’ll say “Are you hungry?” We’ll say, “No, mouse”,
But we’ll have you for dinner on the town.
Later on, we’ll retire
For a snooze by the fire,
And dream of the prey we’ll catch the next day,
Stalking in a winter wonderland.
Of course, not everyone loves the kitty-cats, and there’s a song for them, too. While I don’t advocate the shooting of cats (or dogs, or people for that matter) I certainly understand how emotions might lead to a Christmas song like this.
Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells
Jingle bells, shotgun shells, there’s that danged old cat!
Get my gun, let’s have some fun, I know just where he’s at!
Jingle bells, oh, Hell’s bells, now he’s on the run!
If I find my glasses that cat’s hunting days are done.
A day or two ago, I thought I’d feed the birds,
I grabbed a bag of seed, a second and a third.
But halfway ‘cross the yard, I saw the bushes shake,
It was my neighbor’s scroungy cat, a big orange tom named Jake.
Oh, jingle bells, shotgun shells, (repeat chorus)…..
I love to feed the birds, it makes me feel so glad.
But Jake, that danged old cat, he makes me so darned mad!
He’s not content to eat a lizard or a mouse,
He wants to eat my pretty birds: that cat’s a stinking louse!
Oh, jingle bells, shotgun shells (repeat chorus)
Finally, there is this cautionary tale. A great-aunt much given to malapropism used to caution me, “Tempus fidgets“. Just like a child, cats (and probably dogs) need to be reminded that tempus does, indeed, fidget, and the magical night is not far off.
Santa Cat is Coming to Town
Oh, you’d better not hiss, you’d better not bite,
You’d better not tempt the dog to a fight;
Santa Cat is coming to town!
He’s making a list, checking it twice,
Gonna find out who chased all those mice,
Santa Cat is coming to town!
He knows when you’ve been scratching,
He knows who you’ve outfoxed,
He knows if you’ve been in a snit
And refused your litter box!
With potted cat grass and catnip-filled balls,
Snuggly warm beds and mice from the malls,
Santa Cat is coming to town.
Last year, a couple of Dixie’s online friends joined the fun, sending along their own contribution to the holiday songfest. Housecats themselves, Mister Man and Miss Moo know how to have a good time despite not being allowed to go outdoors and stalk.
Hark! The Housebound Felines Sing
Hark! the housebound felines sing,
Glory to the milk-jug ring!
Mice on earth and squirrlz reviled
Even indoors we are wild!
Warily our tails do twi-itch
As we down the halls do ri-ip,
With triumphant meows proclaim,
Cats do have superior brains!
Hark, the housebound felines sing,
Glo-ory to…the milk jug ring!
Dixie and I haven’t begun working seriously on this year’s song, but phrases are bubbling away in our lyrical stewpot and “O, Christmas Bush” seems a likely candidate. It’s pure silliness of course, just another bit of holiday excess. On the other hand, excess isn’t always bad, and even silly excess can become a path to truth. Looking at Dixie, singing her little carols to her, I can’t help remembering another carol. “Joy to World”, we sing. “The Lord is Come. Let Earth receive her king“.
Remarkably, we don’t sing, “Joy to human beings, joy to those who walk upright and drive cars and open too many credit card accounts and are nasty to their neighbors.” We don’t sing “Joy to the church-goers, the faithful, the few”. The joy we sing is meant for the whole world, for stars and dirt, mountains and seas, trees, rocks, valleys and hills and every creature who inhabits them all. While human hearts prepare, heaven and nature are singing out this truth: the gifts of the season are meant for all. The coming of truth and grace is meant for the world as a whole. We who inhabit that world, we who trace a path upon its soil and gaze upon its stars are called to sing its praises, too, and include it in our celebrations.
In the meantime, whether you celebrate Christmas or whether you don’t, whether you take the promises of the season seriously or whether you simply enjoy the traditions and the festivity, accept these bits of silliness as a gift from Dixie Rose. Feel free to laugh at them, sing them to yourself, or pass them on to friends. Believe me – an entire room filled with pet-lovers singing these songs can be hilarious, and they’ve been known to bring a smile to the face of even the Scroogiest animal “hater”.
As for Dixie, she continues on her best behavior. She’s learned she can avoid kitty-jail by avoiding kitty-misbehavior, and so we trim our tree in peace. I hang ornaments even on the lowest branches with confidence and display cookies and gifts without fear. While I prepare our celebration, she spends the quiet afternoons sleeping in the low, slanting sunlight. I like to imagine visions of catnip-plums are dancing in her head as she waits in perfect peace and joy for whatever gifts come next.
In this season of Advent, this season of waiting and anticipation, may we all be blessed with such peace and joy.
I love this cat piece. I laughed so hard while reading the light and humorous piece! Of course finally comes the serious, thought provoking conclusion. Laughing and thinking, great combination for a cold Advent morn.
Maria
Maria,
Dixie Rose never has met a dog personally, but she knows a few things about them by watching their antics outside her window. I’ve told her about Koko and it seems she’s working on a ditty for her – something along the line of “Here Comes Santa Claws”. I’ll let you know.
Personally, I don’t see any reason a little thought and a lot of laughter can’t co-exist. If we weren’t supposed to laugh, we wouldn’t have been created with the capacity for everything from smiles to giggles to guffaws. Oh – and LOLs. We can’t forget those!
Linda
This is so great. Dixie Rose is a beautiful cat! I was shocked last Christmas (the first with my cat) at how well behaved he was. He just sat under the tree like a present and napped! It was amazing. Glad Dixie Rose learned how to behave!
Current Instincts,
What a lucky one you are, to have had such a well-behaved cat from the beginning! I’ll cut Dixie a little slack – she came from a home where ten-year-old boys carried her around by her tail on a regular basis. I’m sure she was well traumatized, but we’re over all that now.
She is a beautiful creature – thanks for saying so. And Happy Christmas to you and your loved ones, both two and four-footed. Thanks for stopping by and commenting – you’re welcome anytime.
Linda
Hi Linda:
Glad your cat finally learned the true Spirit of Christmas and waits for her presents like all well-behaved kids do. For Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good. So she’d better watch out!
We are all anticipating our next peaceful Christmas. Thank you for your humorous post and your love for pets. What would we do without them?
Regards,
Omar.-
Omar,
I know there are people who become entirely too focused on their animals, but anyone who’s had a dear pet knows how wonderful they are. They’re companions and excuses for play. They can be aggravating at times, but they’re just as able to be a solace in loneliness, a reason to get up in the morning or to come home at night. In short, they’re wonderful additions to our lives.
It makes sense to me that we include them in our celebrations, too – buying them presents or hanging stockings for them at Christmas. Sure, it’s a little silly, but if there’s catnip inside the package, Dixie can unwrap it faster than anyone in the family. You can’t tell me she doesn’t enjoy it!
Linda
That is one gorgeous kitty!
I lived in a house once that had a cat with a mission. He started running from the top of the stairs, and picked up enough momentum to be able to jump up to the top of the xmas tree; then he would slide down the branches, tearing off ornaments on the way down. Huge hullaballoo, he triumphantly smashed or hid what he could. Then wait until humans had salvaged and repaired, then repeat process.
The owner was deeply frustrated; I found it endlessly entertaining, and there was a fascinating stubbornness in both cat and owner. Move the tree!? Never!
-b,
That “fascinating stubbornness” is the very essence of most human-feline interactions, I’d say. There’s no question, when Dixie gets it in her head to do something, she’s going to do it. If I want to head her off in a different direction, I need to do it carefully.
When she first came to live with me, I had a lovely ficus tree indoors. Every night about 2 a.m. I’d hear the crash as she tried to climb something not big or heavy enough for that sort of thing. I tried tying it up, weighting it down, red-peppering the soil – every manner of suggested solution. Luckily, I live in Houston. I got smart and took the tree outdoors. It thrived, and I didn’t have to clean up dirt every morning. Whatever new amusement Dixie found, it didn’t wake me up.
Linda
I don’t have cats (I do have dogs who pay absolutely no mind to the Christmas tree or the packages- go figure!) but I have friends who do, and I’m sending this over to them. I have a feeling they’ll be very appreciative
I am appreciative of your thoughts on the season, and wish you and Miss Dixie much happiness and joy in your corner of the earth.
Becca,
Thanks for passing on the cat carols! We meant for them to be shared freely – Dixie told me she was willing to be unselfish for once and forego royalties.
I have heard them sung by a group, and it’s the funniest thing in the world.
I do love Advent for its own sake, rather than as just a frenetic period to get through before the “real” holiday. Thanks for your good wishes, and peace and joy to you, too.
Linda
We used to have a cat – Pandora – who would always hide beneath the bottom branches and glower at us, like a panther, albeit a long-haired one with tabby markings. We would occasionally hear the crinkle and tinkle of ornaments and know that she was on the move.
I love Dixie Rose and her slanted, jade eyes – wish I had one of my own!
aubrey,
What a wonderful name for a kitty – Pandora. I can just see her under your tree – well, actually I can’t really “see” her, since she’s hidden under all those branches, but still…
Dixie is a beauty. Last Christmas I had an outside kitty, a stray named Calliope who since has disappeared, much to my grief. I miss her tremendously and have no idea what happened to her, but I can’t help but smile when I remember the day I went out and found a tiny Christmas ornament floating in her bowl. There could be plenty of explanations, but I’m sticking with Santa Cat, myself.
Linda
I don’t get it. Why didn’t you just slip that beautiful cat a copy of your recent post, The Advent of Wisdom? She would have surely seen the error of her ways, saving you a lot of torment and her the embarrassment of incarceration.
The songs are terrific. Is there any chance Dixie Rose would consider writing a handbook on respectable cat behavior? Our resident eight-year-old lioness seems to have a learning disability.
Thank you, Linda, for another gem.
bronxboy,
What? You think she’d listen to her mother? Not very likely. Besides, if she’d gone all rational on me from the beginning, I would have missed the experience of putting her in the Kitty Kondo only to have the pleasure of listening to her rattle her cage and howl. Eventually that stopped, of course, and she’d spend her time in captivity just looking at me. (That’s when I got the photo.) Soon after, the misbehavior stopped.
Dixie thanks you for the kind words on the songs, but thinks she’ll pass on being a feline Miss Manners. Apparently she’s afraid writing about respectability might limit her future options.
Linda
Mister Man and Miss Moo thank you and Dixie-Rose most kindly for mentioning them and their song. Alas, this year they have turned from lyricists to percussionists, but they wish you both a very Meowy Christmas all the same.
As for me, well, you say it best:“The joy we sing is meant for the whole world, for stars and dirt, mountains and seas, trees, rocks, valleys and hills and every creature who inhabits them all.”
Keep singing your own brand of song, my friend. We are all listening–and not just for Christmas.
ds,
Sometimes we’re deeply shaped by experiences we don’t even remember, until something triggers the memory and brings it to the surface. Seeing you quote those words back to me about “stars and dirt, mountains and seas, trees, rocks, valleys and hills” I suddenly was back in Vacation Bible School, and primary Sunday School, where we regularly sang the old hymn, “This is My Father’s World“. Looking at it now, it’s clear to me there’s a direct relationship between those old words and the ones I wrote, though I wasn’t aware of it at the time.
The power of song to shape – it seems to be my seasonal focus this year. Thank goodness we all still can sing!
Linda
Beautifully written, as always Linda. I’m sending the link to my best friend who adopted the sister of the little feral cats I adopted and neutered and ‘medicined’, etc. She did the same for Blondie so we’re not contributing to Austin’s wild cat population! Anyway, we’re going over for Christmas Eve so we’ll be singing the Cat Carols with much enjoyment. BTW, for a giggle, have you seen the Cats Playing Patty Cake video?
Merry Christmas to you and Dixie Rose from “Boots” and “Leo.”
musingegret,
How nice to have you stop by! Just to be sure you know, you’re free to print, distribute, rework and or add to the carols any way you like. And most especially, I hope you enjoy them!
I hadn’t seen the video, and I watched it three times in a row. That’s truly funny stuff – and very well done, I might add. Even without the human additions, I must say I’ve never seen a pair of cats behave in quite that way. It would have been funny enough without the voices!
Merry Christmas to you and your whole crew – both two and four-footed. Tell Boots and Leo it’s about time to really start getting their act together – Santa Cat’s watching.
Linda
Linda,
That brought a big laugh and smile to my face. How entertaining!
We are “dog” people and Harley has never destroyed Christmas, he knows better…He has a stocking all set up for Santa to fill…and he is a dog!
But how can you not love those songs Ms Dixie Rose and her Mama sing!
And what a beautiful Cat she is indeed! Glad she has now settled down and can enjoy the Season of Christmas with you!
Great story!!!
Patti
Patti,
I just got Dixie’s stocking out last night. It’s three times larger than the “people stockings” – I suppose that says it all! I saw your mention last night of Harley’s assorted ailments. One of these years we’ll start seeing that in Dixie, too – but this year she’s in the prime of life, healthy and happy.
The tree’s up now, and while we were decorating Dixie sat atop her perch, just watching the process. When it was all done, she reached out a paw and set one of the ornaments swinging. She watched it for a while, then went to her favorite chair, curled up and went to sleep. But later? I peeked around the corner and saw her under the tree – not doing a thing, just looking up at the lights. Wonderful.
Merry Christmas to you and yours – and especially to Harley!
Linda
I read this whilst listening to the ‘tinny’ Christmas music emanating from my Thomas Kinkade Wonderland Express Christmas Tree. (Check it out on the ‘net.) It was fun reading your cat carols again. I seem to remember many from a previous posting – you are very clever. (But I have told you that before:)
The Christmas music goes round and round, just like the trains on the decoration, the main lights are dimmed and the fairy lights glisten from the decorated tree in the corner…. I am now in Christmas mode and mood:)
Wishing you and your well behaved Dixie Rose – what a regalh full name she has – a very Happy Christmas, from a well behaved Blue (Adixillo Thompson Blue to give him his full name) and myself.
Sandi,
I don’t believe I’ve ever known Blue’s full name! Talk about regal – it’s no wonder he sits about with “that” look on his face!
I’d not seen the Kinkade tree – I like the train the best! I’m still a little miffed at my mom, who told me just last year that my dad wanted for years to get me a train set, but she told him that wasn’t a good present for a girl! Humph. So it was probably for him – we still could have had lots of fun!
Best wishes to you all for a wonderful holiday season. Hope that Kinkade tree is the only thing that keeps going “round and round”!
Linda
Dixie is divine! But, I gotta know, what happened to the small painted turtle?
Jeannine,
Dixie says “Thank you, ma’am!” As for the turtle… Well, it was pretty sad. The turtle was little, and quiet. When he was plucked from his home and left to roam, there was just no contest when he met a huge, human foot… Awful. Still, he went being true to his nature, unlike the idiot cockatiel who insisted on walking everywhere and passed under the ironing board at just the wrong time. Sigh.
Here’s wishing you a far more cheerful season!
Linda
Have you and Dixie Rose considered making a cat carol Christmas CD? I think it would be a hit.
The first part of this post made me laugh out loud, the middle made me hum, and the last part is just beautiful.
Oh, Moonbeam,
We’ve talked about that CD, but Dixie has no desire to go on tour, or be forced into a Facebook site, or do the MySpace thing. She’s the consummate loner, creative as can be but more concerned about her naps and bird-watching than anything else. Besides, the only time she’s been in the car has been for trips to the vet or hurricane evacuations. We’d need some therapy sessions before we could even get to the recording studio!
I love your last sentence. Laughter, singing and sighing – the perfect three-part structure!
Linda
This was fun to read. Gave a good laugh on a day in which I just want to stay in bed.
notesfromrumbleycottage,
If I lived in a place named rumbleycottage, I’d certainly be happy to stay put! Just a delightful name – do I detect echoes of a favorite author?
I’m glad you enjoyed the read – it certainly was fun to put together. Thanks, too, for the comment. You’re welcome any time!
Linda
Linda,
Loved it! Loved it! Loved it! And so did H. I read it to him. I even performed the songs. Yes, I did. Silly is good. Silly is great. I don’t get in touch with my “inner child” often enough. This post did it.
My favorite part:
And pretend that he is fat and brown.
He’ll say “Are you hungry?” We’ll say, “No, mouse”,
But we’ll have you for dinner on the town.
Here’s looking forward to this year’s creation.
Wishing you all that brings you happiness during this season.
Bella
Bella,
Happy as a clam I am, to have added to the festive spirit over at your place! You’re absolutely right – silly is good. I won’t apologize even once for my love of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”. Or “Jingle Bell Rock”, for that matter.
I went to a Christmas concert last week by the Houston Chamber Choir. It was held in an exquisite chapel at the Villa de Matel, a local convent. The setting was glorious, the acoustics were perfect, and everyone was suitably attired. Right in the middle of the scene was a lady wearing a Santa Claus hat with the biggest pom-pom I’ve ever seen. I think her inner child was having an evening out, too.
Merry Christmas!
Linda
As I stalk a feral stalker (fulfilling my vow as protector of bunnies large and small, and the birds of course) I got a kick out of your Jingle Bells ditty. Indeed.
That said, we once had a cat who adored shredding Christmas ornaments, so every year we bought a box of the fabric-covered ones and hung them from the lowest branches of the tree. The cat seemed to know they were hers alone, and methodically, gleefully, mercilessly destroyed them one by one. And left the others alone. Smart cat. The best we can hope for is a tenuous peace, with all parties understanding their disparate and individual roles. Meow.
Tom,
Ohhhh… I just remembered “that” post of yours. Well, the bunnies need all the help they can get, as do the birds. And even the two-footed stalkers should get to enjoy the season a bit!
That really is a clever idea, re: the fabric ornaments. If I ever have a kitten again, I believe I’ll give that a try. Dixie’s gotten so old and placid I can’t even tempt her into a little destructive play.
A friend just passed on the latest of the “Simon’s Cat” videos – it’s truly funny, mostly because it’s so true! Enjoy “Santa Claws“, and have a Merry Christmas!
Linda
While of course I cannot not sing the words to the “cat” carols, because there it is and you tell us the tune, it is the photos that get me, that crack me up and that make me say “aaawwww” (the last one, cat sleeping).
And I love your line that Joy is to the whole world, ” the stars and dirt…” Don’t know why; it just struck me, the contrast. Funny what moves us, isn’t it? Good writing has something for everyone.
Merry Christmas to you and Dixie!
oh,
There’s just something about photos of sleeping animals that is so moving. The vulnerability, I suppose, and the trust. Perhaps even gratitude for safety, the ability to sleep deeply without fear of predation. Anyway – my response is the same as yours: “Awwwwww…”
You know what the stars and dirt suddenly remind me of? The “garlic and sapphires in the mud…” The extraordinary and the ordinary, the unspeakably distant and the close at hand, all wrapped up in one beautiful gift.
Wishing you joy for your world, and a wonderful Christmas!
Linda
Well, as is all too obvious, I have been away far too long and oh — the posts I’ve missed. It’ll take me some time to work through all of these because I love to savor every word.
But what a divine spot to start. I mean really? Could anything be more perfect than to discover Cat Carols that could make me laugh on a day where just finishing one task and going to another is a challenge? Oh, my — I laughed and laughed. And loved the photos of Dixie Rose in her calico (and Christmas) best! I loved hearing how you “met” and fell in love with each other and how over the years you have come to terms with the fa la la, the cookies and trees and all that. (After Stimpy knocked my tree down twice, I came upon a wonderful solution — 25 pound boxes of kitty litter on each of the three stands. I’ve kept it up with Gypsy who has always been quite good around the tree. And I don’t have to buy litter for what seems like months!)
Handy cat tip, compliments of Gyp to Dixie!
I never cease to be amazed at how these small creatures with four legs and a sometimes annoying and nagging voice (and other times, so sweet!) can wiggle their way into your heart, curl up into a little warm and toasty ball, and never let go — or let you go. They stretch, they preen, they play — but best of all, they love.
Thanks for this post. I may well have to print this one out for my Christmas box!